Post travel dilemmas

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Coming home after long term travelling should be exciting and I was really looking forward to step foot into Lithuania after 7 months in Asia. But when I finally came back home – suddenly all the excitement was gone.  

The pace of my life has decreased tremendously just over the night. I wake up in the morning in my childhood house and don’t know what to do with the time I have. Moreover, I still haven’t decided what will be my next step and that’s quite frustrating. ‘So are you looking for a job?’, – I hear this question very often. I don’t have an answer yet. I even composed my CV, but still struggling whether to apply to any position or not.

I’m thinking of moving to Western Europe, but I have a lot of doubts. While in India, I was sure that after coming home – I will move again. And now I’m not sure.

I picture myself going to work five days a week from 8 to 5 and living the life I left almost a year ago. Probably I could survive that for some time, but definitely not for long. I wonder, will I be happy in an office job as a lot of things changed inside me since those days. One could say that after travelling I should be motivated with lots of fresh ideas and plans. Looks like the things are more complicated.

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Everyone is asking how was in India and the truth is that I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to hear their stories and to leave mine somewhere inside as I feel nostalgia for all the things I did during the past year. ‘Everything is the same’, – I hear people saying. That’s easy to understand. Some time ago I wouldn’t have said more about my life also. But now something is different, I’m still me though I’m not the same. I need to figure out what is my new role in this life.

I can’t wait for an enlightenment to come and show me the way. I have to take care after myself and no one else will do that instead of me. On the other hand, why should I rush the things and not to take as much time as I need. You could say that I have to do something and occupy my mind to prevent myself from too much thinking. That’s not very far from the truth. But still that’s so strange to see the life going around that doesn’t include me.

Be that as it may, I already spent some wonderful time meeting people, cycling and experiencing daily joys. Sometimes I could be a grumpy old man, but I’m positively sure that the future will be interesting and challenging, whenever it will come.

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